The great divide: what I think I could do vs what I could actually do.
This page was going along swimmingly as I contemplated what I might do in the future. Having moved, and approaching 50, I'm having one of those times of reassessment.
Then a black swathe made its way on to the page. Yes, I know I'm making it sound as if the paint just put itself there, but sometimes that's how it feels! I go along just making marks and sticking things in the way that feels right, and suddenly something arrives on the page that makes me stop and think.
What is it there for? Why did I do that? What is going on in my head?
Why did I have a great black curve splitting my page? When the word 'divide' came to me, it started to make sense. This black shape represented the divide between what I feel I am capable of, and what I'm really capable of if pushed to it. It's easy to get stuck with thinking that, just because I've been at home for 20 years looking after and educating our daughter, I have no skills for the workplace.
But that's not true. Many things we do as mothers and looking after a home are transferable skills. Sometimes we have to stand back and take stock of the skills we have and how they can be applied in a different area. You (and I) are much more capable than you think.
Oh I like this post, Tracy - your page is awesome, and that black swath is outstanding. It's wonderful that your subconscious works so much through your journaling and presents you with such beautiful knowings!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Win. Before it was finished, my husband asked me what the cat's tail was doing on my page :)
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