Spring

It feels like spring has finally started to bloom in my heart. 

I can feel that there has been a change in me because, after nearly 18 months in this new home, I finally felt like painting the walls and getting some colour in the place. Vicarages and rectories tend to be painted beige (ugh) so that each family can put their own mark on them and turn them into homes. 

We love bright colours (surprise! 😊) so I painted the half wall on the turn of the stairs this wonderful deep purple. With the shelf being there it meant I didn't have do the full length of the wall to get a pop of colour in there. I think the colour sets off the black and white graphic artwork wonderfully. (By the way, most of the work on this wall is by the wonderfully talented Marc Laming who can be found @monkeymarc on Instagram and Twitter.)

And a big splash of raspberry for the upstairs bathroom and downstairs loo. The eagle-eyed amongst you will spot the blobs of paint on the chair. That's because this is the chair I use to stand on when painting the walls. When everything is done, this chair will get a makeover in a bright blue.

And here are a few close-ups of the art journalling. 

Either or

It doesn't have to be 'either' 'or'.

Sometimes our options are wider than we think. You don't necessarily have to put one thing down to take up another. I'm not advocating juggling too much and being super busy - that's not healthy. But we don't always have to lose one thing to gain another.

Stop!

Sometimes you just have to stop.

Some people say you have to push on through with a piece of art, but when I'm working in my journal, I can stop whenever I like! I really like lots of parts of this page and couldn't think of anything else I wanted to add, so I stopped.

It is easy to keep on with something past the point where you should have stopped. Quitting at the top is hard. So is knowing when to call it a day if something isn't working. We have to remember that stopping is not the same as failing. To stop is to know when something is done and when it is time to walk away or draw a line under it.

Remind yourself

Remind yourself.

Last year I hit fifty, and fifty is hitting back. I find myself with more anxiety and less confidence. I'm hoping it's hormones and will pass...

This page has layers that obscure, but don't fully cover, the ones below. My anxiety and lack of confidence can do that to my view of myself.

So when I'm feeling particularly lacking in confidence, I remind myself of what I've achieved in the past. I'm still the same person. I haven't lost the skills I've built up over the years. I'm still capable. I just need to remember.

All you have

Use all that you have.

It's easy to climb a hill and only look in the direction you were facing when you climbed it. We don't always remember to take in the full 360 degree view. But there's more than one way down the hill and we need to look all the way round if we're going to pick the best way forward.

I'm looking at options at the moment, and I was reminded that I need to take in the full range of possibilities. There are lots of strings to my bow and I should keep them all in mind as I list what I could do. Are there things I put down in the past because of circumstances or new directions? Were they to be put down forever or should I take them up again?

Using all that I have means taking a full inventory.

Whose opinion matters?

Whose opinion matters?

There are many eyes on you, all assessing, all forming opinions - and often voicing them! But whose opinion do you listen to? Which of those eyes on you count for something in your life? It would be easy to listen to all the voices that speak into your life and give them all the same weight.

However, that would be a mistake.

If we only listen to those who denigrate us, we will start to believe what they say, and see ourselves as worthless. If we only listen to those who are constantly flattering us, we become puffed up with pride. Neither of these things are good for us.

We need to give more weight to the words of those who care for us. They are more balanced in what they say. When people really care, they speak truth to us, in love, and that's what we need to listen to.

Assessing options

Assessing options.

When you want to see how you can contribute to a community, it's a good idea to write a list and assess your options. It's easy to think that you have nothing to offer when you look around and see what everyone else is doing.

Comparison is a killer of ideas, of potential, of self-respect. It is a liar that says, "They're better than you. You have nothing to offer."

We all have something to offer because we each have a combination of skills, experience, and passion that is unique.

So make that list. Assess your options. Go for it.

Each day

Taking each day as it comes.

How else can we face life?

You can't live more than one day at a time, so enjoy the moment.

Remains

When I'm dead and gone what will I leave behind apart from bones? How will I have coloured the world?

I've been re-watching Bones recently and there are lots of references to 'remains'. It set me thinking about what will remain of me when I die. It's a question of legacy - what effect have I had on those around me that will last after I'm gone?