When hackles rise

When hackles rise, lower the walls.

When you're in a situation where someone is heated and your first instinct is to retaliate, step back. Where possible, take some time to allow things to cool.

Then lower the walls.

Where your instinct is to make the walls higher, to increase the stakes, to take a step that you'll regret, instead, think about how you can lower the walls. Make it easy for both sides to recover the relationship and save face. Make sure that you look at the situation with realistic eyes. For that, it's usually best to remove the emotion, which is where the cooling off period comes in.

Lower walls. Don't build them.