Changes

Changes. How do you cope with them?

There are some changes that come along because we make decisions.

Other changes we haven't chosen and we have no control over.

The thing to remember is that change means growth. If nothing changes, we have become stagnant. Change may be uncomfortable, but isn't stagnation worse?

Sun or black hole?

Are you a sun or a black hole?

We've all met people who seem to suck the life, the energy out of us, every time we see them. It doesn't matter how 'up' we are feeling when we go to meet with them, we come away feeling drained and fed up. They are black holes.

Then there are others who we look forward to seeing because we always come away buoyed up and energised. They just seem to encourage and edify us no matter what. They are suns, giving light and life.

So what are you - a sun or a black hole?

Where is your focus?

Focus on the good because we remember what we focus on.

You know how it is - someone praises you and someone else says something critical, and the praise evaporates while the criticism goes round and round in your mind for the rest of the day (and, to be honest, sometimes longer).

I'm not saying that we shouldn't listen to criticism at all. There is often a nugget of truth even if the words are delivered in a way that isn't helpful, so it is worth looking at what is said and by whom. After that, take on board anything that is helpful and reject the rest.

Focus on truth.

More canvases

'You are enough just as you are' and 'Busy is not a badge of honour'.

These are the last two of the twenty canvases I bought in preparation for an exhibition. So now I guess there is no excuse... I need to move out of my comfort zone and approach a gallery. It is amazing how scary it is and how easy it would be to tell myself that I don't have enough pieces to have an exhibition. But I do, and it was one of my goals for the year to step out and be brave.

So watch this space.

Doubts

Even those who seem to have it all together have their doubts.

It can feel as if everyone else knows what they are doing and you're the only one who feels all at sea. The thing is, we are all good at wearing masks. We are good at pretending that everything is fine when really we all feel 'imposter syndrome' on occasions. Just because someone looks confident doesn't mean they are.

Everyone has their doubts.

And that's okay.

Patchwork life

Life is a patchwork. We stitch together all the disparate pieces with relationships. 

We may have very little in common with someone, but somehow a friendship forms and our lives are stitched together because we choose it. 

Sometimes the relationship is not one of our choosing but one of proximity - our children go to school and we necessarily have a relationship with the teacher; we work with someone; we go through a situation with a group of people we would otherwise not come into contact with. 

Each of us has a patchwork life and each of our lives are stitched together by our connections. None of us is isolated. 'No man is an island, entire of itself...' John Donne.

Immerse

Immerse yourself in things that are restful on a regular basis to recharge before engaging with the world again.

A time of rest is essential. There is a reason we should work for six days and rest on the seventh. Without times of rest to recharge, we run out of steam (to mix my metaphors a little). This season of Lent is a good time to withdraw from some of the usual hustle and bustle of life and to live more quietly for a time.

While it is often seen as a time to give things up, it can be good to take things up as well. Why not add in a time of quiet to your day? Take up the discipline of solitude for a season.

Uprooted

When your roots have been disturbed it takes a while to settle again.

No matter how many times we move house (and we've moved a few times, including halfway round the world twice) I always forget just how long it takes to settle into a new place. Although we unpack our boxes quickly and the house looks lived in after a few days, learning your way round a new city, a new community, takes more time than you think. Life still happens as you try to get your head around new patterns of life. 

This year has not been an easy one with our move back from Australia, the death of my father-in-law, and the onset of menopause. I have to remind myself to allow plenty of time to adjust. 

Tossed in the water

We are pebbles tossed to and fro in the water, and as we bang against each other our sharp edges are smoothed. It's uncomfortable being tossed around. It hurts when we bang up against other people and have our edges knocked off. We've all come across people that we find abrasive - we don't like to be in their company, but sometimes they bring truth into our lives.

But the other option is refusing to enter the water at all.

Better, don't you think, to be smoothed over time like sea-glass than to keep all those sharp edges that draw blood when we rub up against others?

Life can be painful, but isn't it better to enter it fully than to withdraw?

Build bridges

Build bridges.

When there is friction in a relationship it is easy to build a fence or dig a trench. We do it to protect ourselves. We do it to punish the other person. Either way, we cut ourselves off and the problem never gets resolved.

When we don't feel we have anything in common with someone it can feel as if there is a chasm between us.

Make it your intent to find ways to build bridges. Reconcile. Find the things you have in common. It takes work, but it is worth it.