Journal flip-through

I've just finished a journal I started in October 2018. In lieu of a flip-through video, here are the spreads from the entire journal, so be prepared for a photo-heavy post! They are listed in chronological order, so you can see the entire journey for that period of time. As usual, there are a lot of pages that I feel are quite 'meh' but some that I love. I wonder if you feel the same about them as I do.

Ladders

What does success look like?

We all, in some way, are looking to climb a ladder, to be a success. But what does success look like? Are we taken in by society's ideal - you can have it all? You can be all you want to be, we are told, but really we can't. I can want to be six feet tall, but it isn't going to happen. Instead, I learn to be content with my 5 foot and a bit.

Some days success is getting through the day without snapping at anyone because you feel lousy; not taking that out on anyone else is a major act of self-control - a success.

Success should be about the person we are. It's about character not achievements. You can be the most 'successful' person in the eyes of the world - making lots of money, winning awards, becoming a celebrity - but what does it all mean if you are not kind, loving, gracious, or humble? Which kind of person would you rather spend time with? Which one is there when you need them?

Lots of ladders appeared on this page. The major one was made by slapping on black paint and then removing some of it through a hand-cut stencil with a baby-wipe. That's when the page came together for me.

As I evaluate what I have achieved, I need to have proper perspective. In the eyes of the world I'm not much of a success. I don't have a career, having been a home-schooling mum for all my daughter's educational years. I'm a clergy wife who does a lot of admin etc. on a voluntary basis. I don't bring in a wage. I'm not massively popular with thousands of followers.

But...

I am loved.

And because I am loved, I am learning to be more gentle, more kind, to hold my tongue when my words will not be helpful. I am slowly becoming less judgemental and more fruitful, even though that is an uphill struggle most of the time, and sometimes my knees get dirty when I fall down. I am trying to use the gifts I've been given to encourage others. I am a work in progress.

Take in the scenery

Take time in your journey to stop and look at the scenery.

Sometimes we are so absorbed in climbing the hill, scaling the cliff, dodging round the rocks, that we forget to look around us. On occasion we have to stop and take a breather, appreciate how far we have come, and look forward in hope to the scene laid out before us.

I was fully anticipating doing lots of layers on this page, but I got this far and all I could see was a dramatic landscape on the right hand side, so I decided to go with it.

Cliff or tunnel?

Do not be put off by the height of the cliff - there may be a tunnel through it.

I've been using this page to wipe off excess paint from my brush or plastic card. Somehow a tunnel entrance/exit popped up on it. I can see a theme to my pages at the moment...

The other block of black kept reminding me of a cliff face or a huge building. When faced with something large, we can see it as an insurmountable obstacle. But you wouldn't think to climb a skyscraper before first looking for a door. Sometimes there is a way through rather than over.

This spiritual tunnel I seem to be going through may feel bleak, but it means I am overcoming an obstacle, even if I can't see what it is from this angle.

The tunnel mouth on this page feels like the end of the tunnel rather than the start to me. I am hopeful because the surroundings are bright

I am...

I am...

As I work out who I am again, I can listen to

           my own voice - my inner dialogue formed from habits and the things that I've been told in the
           past, whether true or not

           the voices of other people - what people see from the outside and what assumptions they draw
           from that, their opinions of me whether they know me or not

           or the voice of God - the voice that tells me truth, even when I find it hard to believe

Which voice will I listen to?

Celebrate!

Celebrate!

Celebrate all the wins, even the small stuff.

Turn up on someone's doorstep with a bunch of flowers and wish them 'Happy Monday!'

Celebrations acknowledge achievements and give them validity. Recognise your achievements and those of the people around you and celebrate them.

And on those days when getting out of bed is a major achievement, take that win and don't put yourself down for not doing more.